The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
