Where is the hickey?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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