the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
