My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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