Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
