You work out of a Hotel?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
