My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
