Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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