we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
