Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
