i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
