There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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