i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
