yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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