Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
