Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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