remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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