but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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