He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize