i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
This house was built for laser tag.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Houston, we have a blender
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
