Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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