The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
