she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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