Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
