nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
