You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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