Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
