exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
