I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
