Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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