we have officially lost it.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
