you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
