HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
