You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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