if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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