these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
