Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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