New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
NoShamevember. You game?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
