Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
