we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
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