You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Four minutes until I can fart!
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
