I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
