once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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