i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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