Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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