Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Never underestimate the power of titties
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
