No awkward lesbian experiences without me
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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