So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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