He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
wow bdsm is so cute
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
