quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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