And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize