I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize