well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
