I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
