today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
