I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
