Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
