Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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