I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
